by Dominic Enyart
It was a cold winter night, as the snow was just coming down, that a wise old Cherokee told his grandson, “There is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is hatred, jealousy, resentment, inferiority, lies and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and truth.” The boy thought about this, then asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?” The old man replied quietly, “The one you feed.”
That’s a very charming short story that has a lot of wisdom packed into it, but then the question is, “how do we feed the Good wolf?”
As Christians, we know that romantic relationships should be one man, and one woman. And they should both be pure until marriage. They should both be able to put all of their hearts into loving one another (behind God of course). This is how God designed relationships to work- there shouldn’t be any extra-marital sexual activity outside of marriage.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul talks about how it is good for a [unmarried] man not to touch a woman. -Lest they fall into sexual immorality, but each man should have his own wife and each woman should have her own husband. So with every couple, they should pursue one another in a way that honors God without any sexual activity whatsoever until marriage. Once they are married, then intimacy is not only allowed (such as kissing, sex, etc.) but encouraged as it creates an immensely powerful bond. This bond is them becoming one flesh, that’s Genesis 2:24, “A man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”
That’s how God designed us. We are two people, until we are married and then we’re allowed to form this beautiful, amazing, wonderful, glorious bond. This bond makes us so in love with one another and it builds attraction towards the other. It’s amazing how it was designed.
But there’s a problem, a big problem. Porn. Every time you hold someone’s hand, or kiss them, or are sexual with them, you are essentially giving them a piece of your heart. Sometimes small, sometimes large (usually large) and you begin to form that bond. That bond is only meant for marriage- and that’s where things get dicey. When you give someone your heart, you can never fully get it back. You can do a good job recovering it, but you can never fully recover all your heart. That’s why it’s so damaging for people to be sleeping around- they keep giving their hearts out over and over, and eventually they have nothing left to give.
Now imagine this concept but with porn. Every time someone watches porn, they are essentially mimicking a sexual encounter with the “partner” on screen. So every time you watch porn you are forming a bond with that actor, giving away some of your heart, and burning out your ability to fall in love.
This so perfectly explains the 45% divorce rate for first marriages, 60% divorce rate for second marriages, and the 75% (Yes 75%!) divorce rate for 3rd marriages. They literally can’t put all their hearts into one another like they were designed to do. Because they don’t have hearts to put in one another! They’ve burnt out their ability to fall in love.
Note: Although porn isn’t real sex, it still does real damage. The average male watches about 40 minutes of porn a week. This would average out to 35 hours a year, or 3 months in a lifetime! This would explain why watching porn doubles your chances of getting divorced. To pretend that making a bond with random women 35 hours a year doesn’t severely strain your relationship is unreasonable.
There’s no question that porn is (not just sinful but) extremely damaging. But the thing is, porn is an actual addiction, not just a habit people have. Like all addictions, you can’t just beat porn then move on. It is an ongoing battle that will last the majority of our lives. Our goal is to always be providing new and effective resources to help you beat your porn/mastrabation addiction and to help along every step of the way. However, we’d like to take a slightly different approach than other great anti-porn groups. That wise old Cherokee knew about feeding the good wolf, which is crucial. But more than that- we’re looking to starve the evil wolf.
Starving the Evil Wolf:
More to come-