Liberal media outlets ask if Superman Returns as gay. Also, the movie's writers changed Superman's motivation of "Truth, justice, and the American way," to "Truth, justice, and... all that stuff," intending to downplay Superman as an American hero.
North Korea's Podunk II missile crashed somewhere in the Sea of Japan, probably smacking a whale in the head, which should turn at least a few environmentalists into anti-communist hawks.
Islamic Jihadists in Somalia killed a shop owner and a teenage girl for watching a televised World Cup soccer match.
Keith Mason in Wichita with Operation Rescue announces that they purchased an abortion clinic facility and closed the business down! The child-killing facility will re-open as an American Holocaust Memorial and will house Operation Rescue's corporate headquarters! When the abortionist fled, he left files behind, and the abortuary phones turned on, which were forwarded to a pro-life crisis pregnancy center!